Hi. Ok. I gotta git, but I was digging through the Hollow basement and have been looking at the very early days of this blog when it was quite different... it was about life in this little Appalachian hollow and was rather nature and story oriented.... wow. those were the days....

So, let's hark back to when I was the yard Czar and things were simpler.... from last April..

"SNAKE"

That's right, friends. It's only mid April and we have our first SNAKE sighting of the year........

I was mowing the lawn and the kind and gentle Secret was lovingly loading the hummingbird feeders and placing some plants and flowers around when she waved to get my attention behind the roaring lawnmower. She gets me to come over and she tells me she has discovered a SNAKE under one of the gutter drainspout pads. I looked to see and sure enough there was a little SNAKE right there, about a foot long and coiled up......scared out of it's wits. Now, Secret is very SNAKE skittish and she will not tolerate any SNAKES in the yard! So, I rubbed my goatee and pondered the situation....

I then decide to go into my bit about "good" SNAKES and "bad" SNAKES and that maybe she should let me judge as to it's lethalness. As Yard CZAR, I thought we might look to see if it's head was triangular like an asp's head and then we would render a verdict. We both nodded that yes, it's black. Yes, it might be a baby copperhead. "But it might not be!" I happily chimed in, kind of pulling for a removal of the SNAKE out into the woods to live long and prosper!

Then....

Well, to make a long story shorter let's move this story along 5 minutes and we have the SNAKE or what used to be a SNAKE in 15 wriggly pieces on the ground and the kind and gentle Secret holding the weapon of death, which happened to be a shovel this go around and she was all wild eyed and frothing at the death scene before us. She HATES SNAKES.

So, apparently the yard CZAR (obviously a puppet regime!) was bulldozed over with "I don't care if it's poisonous or not, it's a SNAKE!!" The yard CZAR and the SNAKE felt the mighty power of the kind and gentle Secret today.

Poor SNAKE.

Hi.

Um.... very unfortunate incident at the local gas station last night. (Now, this is NOT the gas station run by authorization button Nazis and who give out free ice cream if you bitch loud enough...it's one I haven't written about.)

I was driving Secret's Mom home after she had come and stayed with Secret for the weekend... because Secret is sick so she asked me to take her home. No prob. So, Her son "B" decided he wanted to ride with me.... ok. Once again. No problem.... so, the ride to drop off "Mah-Mah" was uneventful other than me forgetting my glasses and weaving all over the country roads in blurred oblivion.... It was after the drop off that the trouble started. See, "B" was gassy, REAL gassy.... and I was first made aware of this as we rolled down the road and I was hit like a ton of bricks by a stench that would make Lucifer himself say "GEEZE! Crack a window!".

It was AWFUL, but I made it worse by protesting, which got him laughing and straining to produce more of the noxious lower G.I tract fumes.... So, we played "Freeze Out" where both windows of the van are all the way down and the icy air poured into the van... once again...no prob. At least I could BREATHE!

Ok. to move the story along, we arrived at the aforementioned gas station and we went inside to get a few things.... well, that kid walked in a proceeded to absolutely "fumigate" the place with his carcass whif. I KNEW he had done it, but was trying to fight through until the guy at the counter winced and turned his head from me when I approached the counter. I could tell he was under attack from the STANK and I also knew he thought I had done the dirty deed by the way he was looking at me.... So, I quickly deferred the blame to the boy, who was hiding in an aisle.... I said "Man, I'm sorry, HE has let one go in your store."

The guy at the counter says... "GEEZE, well I knew it wasn't me. That's naaaasty!", and then he grabbed one of the car air fresheners from the display case and sprayed the air which just made the whole place reek of fruity pungent road kill that had been left to rot in a porto-potty--- in July!.... I apologized again... but he was not even remotely amused... He QUICKLY rang the stuff up and as we left I made "B" apologize to him for creating the pollution that was sure to linger for a while.....

We rolled the rest of the way home with the windows down, our faces stiffening in the icy air pouring in for my sweet relief...