"A Goodbye Song"

Time to say goodbye
It's time for a change
Time to rearrange
Time to let go
Do what's best for the soul
Do I have the strength
To go to any length
To let go of this mess
Nothing left to confess
It's more of the same
You're sick of the pain
There's no more growing
No more love to be showing
It's time to break apart
For us both, a fresh start



"A Goodbye Song" Copyright, 2006; Scott Scarborough
Image Copyright; 2007; Scott Scarborough

"Surrender"

Jesus, help me
take my hand
I fall before you
a broken man

I wander among these shattered dreams
A graveyard for the happy things

that filled my life
As I was alive
when I was her's
and the world was mine

Father, hold me in your arms again
Please just tell me you'll be my friend
and watch over this broken heart of mine
and promise me soon the sun will shine

Spirit, bring your peace to me
They've locked me up
and lost the key
I kneel before you
a grieving soul
My heart is lonely
and my blood runs cold

Yet, I know the answer lies with love
Just as sure as the sun moves above
I surrender my tired heart to you
and cry in your arms
till this dark night is through




Words and Images Copyright;Scott Scarborough; 2005

"Sunday Morning"

I don't want us to get out of bed today
But, let's not sleep this morning away
Let's stare into eachother's eyes
feel the warmth where the other soul lies
fluff a pillow a time or two
play a game of "footsie" with you
These warm satin sheets are where we playfully hide
from the cold of the world lurking outside

We share a laugh
and share an embrace
As if we've laid here forever
and had left no trace
of our time in the world
and away from our bed
Why can't we always just be here instead?

I stroke your hair
and caress your soft skin
you kiss my lips,
give me a smile, and then

we make love until the morning is gone
We struggle to hang onto the dawn
of our Sunday morning time as lovers
So, we put off our day
and play under the covers...




Image and words Copyright; Scott Scarborough; 2005

"The Waters......."

Peace,
light as angel's breath.

Quiet,
as still as in death.

Serenity,
the hush of the calm
will soothe my heart
like a beautiful psalm.

Solace,
to cool my fiery soul.
This forsaken world
has taken it's toll...
on my poor spirit.

Oh, if only to repose
by the waters so still,
I would lay there forever
if it was only God's will.

By the cool healing water
is where I belong.
A brush with divinity
like a mourning dove's song.

Alas, I live in this world
and not in heaven's keep.
But I can return to the waters
in the sweet baptism of sleep.




All Words And Images Copyright; Scott Scarborough; 2005

So ok, it's time to disclose why I am so depressed and stressed out...

I guess this is a "get it off my chest" post to maybe help bring some relief to my worry head.

So, I'm leaving Alabama, which is not a surprise, as I had posted about this before... The real estate market here is DEAD-- worse it's been in 25 years... and my relationship with Secret has turned into a headache for everyone, especially poor Secret, who has to deal with my mercurial moods and all my endless misadventures and we all have had enough. That's also not new news. That's not to say that she and I don't love eachother but I'm just too much on most people... She will be more at peace not having to friggin worry about me all the time. One thing that can be said about me and be absolutely true is that life with me is NEVER boring!

So, I am leaving for Dallas this coming weekend..... pretty much by the seat of my pants... I can't stay here, even I wished to because her ex and his wife HATE me and they have meticulously turned Secret's kids against me, so living here has become intolerable. Not Secret's fault, but that's the situation.... it's hell. So, he is causing all kinds of problems for here and even for Secret's other family members who aren't even involved in what goes on here. So, I have to leave... fair enough. I made some mistakes, being an inexperienced parent and it was a big mess. I hope that ignorant redneck asshole ex hubby of her's will leave Secret and her poor kids alone when I am gone. Secret is a very lovely woman and I love her and desperately want her to be happy. She so deserves it. She's been so good to me and my family loves her dearly.

So, I am supposed to go to Dallas, which is good because it will put me closer to my son, who I miss so dearly.

Prob is, all my arrangements for a place to live in Dallas have fallen through and my only choice is to live with a close friend who is a very heavy drinker and I, a recovering heavy drinker, shouldn't be around that. CAN'T be around that, Frankly. I Can't stay with family as a consequence of me being such an intolerable asshole and tyrant years ago when I was so sick. Those wounds have not healed. It's ok. I have no ill feelings at all towards them. They are recovering from all that mess of a half decade ago too. Stuff like that takes years and years to undue. They love me, they just can't be part of my life now... I understand. I hope they all know how much I love them and miss them and how sorry I am for the way I treated them all. The biggest tragedy of my life....... and perhaps, I am their's too. Recovery has not been such an easy road..... lots of potholes. But I am alright. I am doing ok.

So, ..... well, screw me.... I am free to roam, I suppose. Free as a bird at 39...I suppose I could drift anywhere and be homeless in any fine city of my choosing as long as it's closer to my son, who is named Randy...by the way.... He lives in New Mexico.

All this with my car, a few hundred dollars in my pocket, some clothes and my keyboard.

Janis Joplin sang "freedom's just another word for 'nuthin left to lose..." and damn if she wasn't right. I never dreamed I would be in this position at this age having come from a pretty comfy living in home sales before it all came crashing down with my divorce a few years ago...

So, life is indeed a highway.....er, maybe a highway with all those orange cones closing off one lane and clogging traffic up, but a highway just the same.

I think I need to pray more now.

*whew*

Thanks for letting me get that out.

Peace out,

Randy