Um.....

I thought that putting my blog on the shelf might help simplify things while I shuffle through the mess here, but I realized that maybe it's not all about me with this blog. I received several very warm inquiries as to why I left and then I received a very "severe" ultimatum to come back or else!..... and so here I am.

So, diarrhea banjos and whatnot have returned to the stream after a very short respite.

Thank you to those who contacted me.

I feel loved.

Well, after some serious soul searching, I have come to a state of mind that I should move back to Texas...... to Dallas...... with my relationship here like a ship grounded on the rocks and my loneliness leaving me wide open to pick myself apart....I'm seriously considering jumping ship and swimming back into familiar waters.... the shark infested waters of Dallas, Texas.......the place I so joyously ran from 2 and a half years ago......

I have my real estate gig here but I could easily just transfer my license to Texas and work there....I'm well connected in the industry there and I would be back with my family, friends, home church, support groups, and closer to my son...... maybe Texas would be a stepping stone to going to New Mexico to live very near him.....

I do love it here in alot of ways but I just think that I have poisoned my relationships here to the point that it might be best to just split...... of course, running all over the country won't solve my issues.... I'm just tired of feeling alone..... I miss Texas too... I miss being able to get out west...to the desert so easily........ I dunno..... seriously mulling things over..... I need to get a good bit of money put back to make the move..... so it won't be tomorrow.......... maybe the first part of 2008......

Well, some of you might be wondering why reading this blog is like being on a rollercoaster...... My moods go up and down and seem to fluctuate like the ocean tides......... Yes, I am moody. I can be the most loving, giving, caring, and warm man in one part of the day and then a few hours later I can be bitter and sharp or morbidly depressed and sour. I am emotionally dangerous...... to others and especially myself. It's a real struggle staying buoyant alot of the time.... I have struggled with this for years,,,,, and those who love me suffer through it too..... alot of my near and dear have tired of the ride and have jumped ship. I don't blame them.... it's ok.....but now I am out here in Alabama with nobody....and I did it to myself I suppose......therefore I am feeling the deep loneliness all the more.....the only place and time in my life where I have developed enemies....mostly Secret's ex's.....they hate me for being here and for ruining their designs to ruin Secret....... living in this emotionally unstable environment has been very hard on me and therefore, tough on those who have gotten close to me here.......

Sometimes, I'm lost...

...like tonight.

tomorrow will of course, be better....

and so the rollercoaster.....

Yet another re-issue cuz I'm slammed here at work today and dont have time to write up a short throw away piece of garbage post like I am becoming (in)famous for!...

I kinda liked these lyrics but have yet to put it together as a song....

From 9/16/2006

.

..

...

"Acid Girl"

Again at my door,
my acid girl.
Your Donovan records
and your rainbow swirl.

Pass your visions to me
in your kiss,
on your tongue.
Take my hand
and we dance to the dead
until at last we come undone...
records scattered across the floor
no wine remains
no song left unsung.

Now, the night, escaping us.
Take the clocks from the room
then sit in black madness,
in silence,
waiting for the sun.

With the dawn, we curl into a ball
pull me inside you
feel the carpet crawl,
under the clouds
that we float upon.

Then it is time for you to go...
kiss you goodbye,
then watch you stroll
into the bright morning,
odd,
among the busy souls.

I laugh about you, my twisted girl.
an absurd sight
in your rainbow swirl.

You live in a dream...
the things that you've seen...
The places you go
you won't share with me...
I can't be a part of
the things that you'll see,
but, how I love you,
my acid girl.

"Acid Girl", Copyright; 2006; Scott Scarborough

So, here we have the lovely and mysterious Chisos Mountains of West Texas. They rise as a sprawling explosion of volcanic rock above the Chihuahuan Desert of Big Bend National Park. There's a road that winds to the top taking you out of the hot, dry lowlands and up into lovely grassy meadows and woodlands perfumed with pine..... One of my favorite places on Earth!

Chisos Mountains, Brewster County, Texas, 1992


Image; Copyright 1992; Scott Scarborough