Ok. I gotta do this REAL quick. (No, that's NOT something an Olympic sprinter says before lovemaking)

Thanks to my streamer friends for your prayers and well wishes and making me laugh about those danged squirrels.

Yea, squirrels are cute, but world domination is their REAL agenda.

I miss reading everyone's blogs and hopefully can catch up on that next week.

I'm still sick but a bit better this morning.

Good lawd, I am so damn sore from fluids projectiling from any available orifice, It's hard to move.

BUT!

I'll live to rid my yard of those persnickity squirrels another day!

2 things I learned from this illness.

1. I swear on my great great great grandfather Icabod Schnuzzlegasm's, good name, that I'll NEVER make a diarrhea mackerel joke again. EVER AGAIN! It aint so funny to me any more. really.

and...

2. It's perfectly fine to refer to male prostitutes as "working stiffs".

What?

Oh screw it, I'm going back to bed...

Thanks again...

Everyone have a great week and wash your danged hands all day long. There's GERMS out there, ya know!!!!

That's right. Take me out back and shoot me like ole yeller or sumpthin. Geeeeze!

I have been in bed LITERALLY since Thursday afternoon with the most absolute foul verministic (that's right "verministic". Now prove that ain't a word!)nasty, painful case of the stomach flu I have had in..... years?

I dunno. I just a milder case of this crap a few days ago but this is the mother of all dreadful illnesses. I have just barfed and barfed and...yea, out the other end too.. with enough force to extinguish a forest fire if needed. I have been feverish, dare I say, hallucinating?, up ALL night Thursday, Secret said I was burning up even though I was shivering uncontrollably.

So...... what I am getting at here is I am OFF the computer until I get better. I got up about an hour ago to "test my legs", glance at email, etc.. and was rewarded with one of life's majestic moments where you have yer ass on the toilet, and you are holding the trashcan and barfing into it. Hey, I may be a nitwit, but I CAN multitask with the best of them! It probably DOES sound like "The Exorcist" is going on in there, though. Yuck!

Oh, and EVERYONE in the house seems to think I have leperosy or something! All I have to do is walk in a room and folks scatter for their very lives. AND Secret won't let me sleep in our room at night so I have been living out this hell in a 6 year old girl's room...... bright pink and decked out all little kiddy style out the wazoo! Helps bring along the feverish hallucinations.

I have not had a chance to read over all the comments on other posts but thank you all for still visiting after I disappeared.

So, so long folks..... see Y'all soon.

With much love and affection,

Randy420

Yes friends...it's time for migraine talk.

I have been suffering from severe (is there any other kind?) migraines for about a year and a half now. My beloved sister suffers from them too so it's kind of a family thing.... like neurosis, but anyway, it has become a very serious problem for me.

When I come down with one, the pain is really beyond description and I get distortions in my vision and I throw up. Actually, the vomiting makes me feel just a little better as I think it lets some of the tension out, but it all basically sucks.

I've been to the doc about it before and they ran all the usual tests and they decided that I just am one of those poor souls that get migraines and that there is nothing wrong with my brain, which is highly debatable for those who read my blog.

I did have some improvement for a while, but lately they have been getting more frequent again so I went back to the doctor, they ran another MRI and then sent me to a specialist who is going to try a NEW type of medicine to see if it will help.

Now, here's the really BAD NEWS for randy...... the neurologist told me I have to give up my heavy doses of coffee, red bulls, and ciggys. I also am not supposed to stay up all night writing or whatnot, I have to exercise and maybe see a therapist as to why I get so worked up about about every little thing that comes up in my life. So, I can't even be a stinkin' drama queen anymore!!

Oh, the humanity!!

All my favorite things are being taken away from me!!!

I don't know what would be worse..... clean living or migraines?

AAAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm gonna go walk on the trail today to think, and to get my head wrapped around my new healthy lifestyle I have to live.

Dang it.

Oh, well.... I guess I need to get with the program because frankly, I have become so tense and cranky that nobody wants to interact with me much in this house anyways... Poor Secret. Poor kiddos. Always walking on eggshells. They are sick of it.

Can't says I blame 'em!

I would have kicked my ass weeks ago!!

I'm just saying!!

*yawn*

Um..... do ya ever decide to pull one of the oh so guilty pleasures of sleeping all damn day long? I got up this morning at my usual time (before 7 ), had coffee, visited with Secret and the kiddos and then decided I was was pooped out from being at the swimming hole all day yesterday, as well as having to go in to get an MRI about my chronic migrianes..... well, it wasn't 5 minutes into reading in bed that I began drifting off and next thing I know, it's 2 in the afternoon and my pillow is wet with the slimy sleep drool!

Oh, the humanity!

I'm thinking OMG, I slept all day! So, I fought to lift my randybody out from under the covers and staggered into the living room. I felt like I was on another planet as sleeping too late just shoots my wheels off in the worst way...

There was only one thing to do.... and it wasn't drinking coffee, I can assure you of that! I went pee pee and returned to hibernation until 7 oclock tonight!

But now, I'm up!!

Goooooood morning, everybody!!!!

Wooooooooot!

Now, I'll be up all damn night writing VERY depressing poetry or reading my friend's blogs.

So, fellow insomniacs, be here tonight so we can banter around, horseplay, and play grab ass!

I have to be at the neurologist at 8:30 AM tomorrow to see what's wrong with my brain so I can't pull an allnighter, but I plan on being up pretty late.

Who are you?

Or, who you are, for those more confident in their identities and roles in life.

I am a man, who at 38, is coming out a very long period of life that I hope will go down as my personal "dark ages". I was decidedly self absorbed and arrogent, and at the same time insecure to the point of being near xenophobic..I have fought back from social anxiety disorder, depression, addiction, and a whole other array of personal problems, including a life shattering divorce and the nervous breakdown that followed. Now, I am a few years into the life rebuilding process, and I am trying to figure out what to make of my journey to where I am today, even as some of these battles still rage within me.

Who am I?

Frankly, I'm not sure. I have become a victim to my own policy of sharing slices of myself to different groups in my life in such different ways, and by different principles that I feel at times like a jigsaw puzzle that might never be put together fully. But I suppose we all might have that last piece missing until we, at our deaths, see "the light" and finally grasp the meaning of our existence and solve the equation of ourselves........ and the last piece of the puzzle is placed.

I feel I have been shortsided in this approach. I am confused as to who is the real me. So is everyone else in my life confused as to who I am to various extents. Am I a parent? Yes. Am I a step parent? Yes, in the emotional and authoriative sense if not fully in the legal sense yet. Am I a businessman? Sometimes, selling real estate, although while I did that for years and am about to embark on that road again; I feel it is not my true calling. I dont see much worthwhile legacy to leave to the world by selling houses.

I like to create things. Whether it's music, photography, writing, or just goofing off on discussion boards and other sites as "Randy420" (Where I mostly just try to create shock and giggles or give myself a giggle in trying to create the shock and giggles on others) I feel most at peace while creating. So I feel maybe that's God's way of letting me know that creating is my calling. But I am a jack of all trades and a master of none in these excursions with a couple dozen half finished projects of every sort, packed away. I can't seem to just pull it all together in one of these fields of creativity and break through to my full potential.

I am starting to feel torn between these roles I play......Spiritual mentor, goofy friend, loving fiance, doting father, and the other various slices of myself that I share. So I feel like I have become trapped in my own labyrinth of personalities that those who try to really get to know me must find their way through.

I think I want to simplify. To share more of myself with everyone and do less role playing. I'm tired of the show I am putting on for whoever's company I happen to be in.. I just want to relax and be me.

Whoever that is........

Time will tell, but I feel this pitstop and reflection might be the beginning of the assembling of the final product that will be my legacy.

Who I am, was, and will become.....

Thank you. We will be returning to the fun stuff soon, I am just trying to get away from being only known as a throwaway punchline writer.....

Most bloggers here can probably relate in not wanting to get pigeon holed.